


Everywhere ( I Look I Fall )

by Catalysa



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: Angst, Drabble, Emma centric, F/M, Happy ending though, Hurt/Comfort, Oh god angst so much angst, Romance, because I'm a big sap
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-30
Updated: 2014-10-30
Packaged: 2018-02-23 06:35:57
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 999
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2537861
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Catalysa/pseuds/Catalysa
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>You're in the Sheriff department, sitting on a rusty chair as you look at an old box that holds everything that you were,<br/>soft fingers caressing the worn material, eyes filled with an emotion so indecisive and wavering like the sea.<br/>Heartfelt sorrow buried underneath a layer upon a layer of feigned forgetfulness.<br/>It doesn't matter anymore, you say, but oh it does.<br/>It matters and always have, and suddenly, you hope you do too.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Everywhere ( I Look I Fall )

**Author's Note:**

> Hello there!
> 
> So, English is not my first language, first captain swan fic, not Beta'd, I don't own the show, I'm a horrible writer ..etc etc 
> 
> Wrote this after wanting to experiment with second person P.O.V for ages. 
> 
> Title inspired from No One's Here To Sleep by Naughty Kid Ft Bastille.
> 
> Enjoy.

 

 

>          Every carpet, every floor         
>  Everywhere I look I fall  
>  Climbing up the walls, I'm climbing up the walls  
>  What goes on behind these doors  
>  I'll keep mine and you keep yours  
>  We all have our secrets, we all have our secrets  
>   
>  Behind every door is a fall, a fall  
>  And no one's here to sleep
> 
>  

 

You're sitting in your usual table at Granny's, your mother and father are talking about the upcoming ball, you can see Henry laughing, Ruby is joking, Belle is smiling, and you feel worried eyes looking at you, gaze so heavy and intense that it makes you want to weep. But you know that no tears will come out, and not a single sound will escape your lips. You can't breakdown now, you simply can't. For you fear if you do, you won't be able to fix yourself again this time.

 

Standing slowly, holding a random stack of papers in your hand, you get up and politely excuse yourself, a beautiful carefree smile painted deceivingly on your face as you walk away. And you still feel the weight of his gaze, you can feel it deep within your chilled bones and heavy heart, and it scares you, terrifies you even, how well he seems to know you, how no words are needed. All it takes is one look, and you're left feeling open, weak, and _raw._ But it's nothing, a stubborn part in you insists, and you allow yourself to feel the false comfort of that lie for a few more minutes.

 

You're in the Sheriff department, sitting on a rusty chair as you look at an old box that holds everything that you were, soft fingers caressing the worn material, eyes filled with an emotion so indecisive and wavering like the sea. Heartfelt sorrow buried underneath a layer upon a layer of feigned forgetfulness. It doesn't matter anymore, you say, but oh it does.

It matters and always have, and suddenly, you hope _you_ do too.

 

The box's lid is thrown away, you don't really know or care where, shaking hands are holding and touching and clutching bits and pieces of what was once and what could've been, and you can't help but wonder how did you drop the defenses you spent years building without even noticing. And you pretend that it doesn't feel good how he managed to help you do it, and opt for being angry.

 

-

 

It's about 3 a.m and you're still sitting on the station's floor, back pressed against the cold wall, arms wrapped around your body as you think about every decision you've made, the anger slowly seeping away from your body being replaced by a horrendous cold sinking guilt filled realization, you don't have to fight alone anymore, haven't had to for a while now.

 

 _You chose to_. And now, you don't want to do it anymore.

 

 

You're crying, bawling your eyes out and chocking on breathless gasps, heavy breathes barely coming out. And it _hurts_ , it hurts and you feel it burns. You feel a wave after a wave of suppressed pain filling you. Your arms tighten around your trembling body as you sob and curse and scream. Allowing every buried emotion out, because you feel like you have spent too much bottling this up, you need to let it all out so you can get on with your life, so you'll be able to see those ~~blue blue oh god so blue~~ eyes without being afraid, so you can stop surviving and just live.

 

And suddenly, warm powerful yet gentle arms are wrapped around you, you feel yourself being pulled into a strong embrace, a soft voice fills your eyes with murmured whispers of comfort and sweet nothings as the scent of home, rum, and sea fills whatever that is remaining of that hole inside you. You distantly realize that he's rocking you to and fro, hand playing with your hair softly as he keeps whispering, “you're okay, it's okay, I'm here, I'm here, I'm here.”

 

And you can't help but think that this is what really matters, he's here, he's seeing all the scars and open wounds, the shadows and all the fucked up things within you, he sees the hope, the love, the desperate need, and he's not running or going anywhere.

 

 

Softly, the sobs subtracts into silent tears, and eventually nothing as you raise your head to look at him, and warmth starts spreading inside of your chest, filling up your whole tired body as you see him smiling softly at you, pain and understanding evident in his eyes. Taking a deep breath and exhaling softly, you allow yourself to drop whatever that is left of your defenses, pulling him close and as you rest your forehead against his, you realize that you fell and still falling, but it not so scary any more, it's a different kind from the one you're used to, it fills you with hope and a trace of happiness that holds the promise of more, way much more.

 

His hand moves to wipe away your tears, cupping your face as if you're the most precious thing he has ever held, you gather your courage and move your hand up to capture his in your hold, and the soft surprise in his face makes you want to start crying again, softly interlacing your fingers together and squeezing his hand tightly, you notice the teasing smile he gives you, and suddenly everything is so clear.

 

The corner of your lip lifts, knowing that you probably look like mess but not really caring, you lean forward and softly press your lips against his for a few seconds before you pull away to look at him, and it shone in your eyes, you've finally made your decision, you've finally chose to reach out and take your rightful happiness. And now that it's here and you have it, you know you will fight to keep it with all of your damned might.

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> It's quite crappy, I know I know. 
> 
> I hope you enjoyed reading it, comments and kudos are highly appreciated. 
> 
> Tumblr -> mccallgasm


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